mind your language..

i think i made a mistake..
i shouldn't have scheduled my trainings till late..
one session in the mornin'.. and another later in the evenin'..
and i have to live with this timetable till the weekend arrives..
nice-goin' superhero..
i'm havin' a sore back and a strained left shoulder right now..
just after the first day of trainin' only..
thank god i took leave this wed..


while i'd be damned i'm at suntec this whole week..
and brader starts work at tbl.. awww man..
what misfortune.. miss the dude..
and don't make me start talkin' about that cb..
chicken backside..
can't even keep the mouth shut for the simplest of things..
and might i add that chicken backside is a cowardly chicken too..


the first day of trainin'..
sales floor trainin' (session 1)..
i tot it went well..
well i can't please everybody..
i hope i got the message across though..
at least in this trainin' job..
i can be explicit.. expressive.. real.. truthful..
cos only then i can make trainin' more interestin'..
and still get away with it.. i hope so..
boss ever said that this job's gonna be challengin'..
totally agreed.. hands down..
now i know why i ain't a teacher..

got the guys to do merchandisin' practice..

tomorrow's gonna be another long day..
gonna get it over with like a no-brainer routine..
and it'll be wednesday soon..

a mistake?..

i don't know..
it seems like a bad idea..
playin' with this fire..
all over again..
9 years since..
and she still wasn't over it..
amazin'..
she's miserable all this while..
and still is..
and now we're at it again..
her misery will prolong..
for another 9?..
i was the asshole she said..
am still..
will be..


a mistake?..
it is..

so adorable seein' the younglings chattin'..

that friday..

marina centre..
swensen's..
the meetin'..
nervousness..
talk..
comfort..

banana crumble..

chocolate malt ice cream

an ol' nemesis..
the bill..
the escape..
starbucks coffee..
more talk..
more comfort..

vanilla latte & mango passion fruit..

the smiles.. the laughter..

past memories..
history..
the real story..
6 hours..
too short..
the rush..
the cab ride..
the peck..


that friday..

seoul searchin'..

too much bickerin' and bitchin'..
ain't good for the soul..
spirits crushed..
patience thinnin'..
unity disintegrated..
who can you trust?
endure my friends.. endure..

maybe all you need is a good dinner..
at a good eatin' place..
and a good friend..





seoul far.. seoul good..
nazri called wantin' to meet..
just the day before we were online..
met at city hall and he felt eatin @ seoul garden..
fine by me..
like i said..
maybe all you need is a good dinner..
at a good eatin' place..
and a good friend..
and nazri doesn't disappoint..

honeyless nights..

it actually depresses me that i can't spend weekend nights like these alone with honey.. as a matter of fact..weeknights are no different too.. we don't do things what normal lovin' couples do.. i'm not askin' for anythin' extrreme.. just the basic formalities.. takin' pictures together (we do take but we're always in 'sedia!' positions in the pix.. wth?).. making stupid silly faces in our pictures.. watchin' movies (without the kids).. relaxin' on the beach together.. night cyclin' maybe.. i'm not askin' for somethin' that's overboard.. i tried reasonin' with honey but she'd say again and again.. "how many times must i say to you".. "u still don't understand eh".. too conformed.. joyless.. monotonous.. stagnant.. and it's killin' me.. there's a yoke on my back..

but all's not lost.. i learnt somethin' new from our non-stop messages since yesterday mornin'..

:-*

my new source of salvation and comfort..

so i was bored on sat (besides the fact i really enjoyed messagin' her the whole day).. and askin' honey out was pointless as she needs to be back home by 6pm every sat.. i really wanted to go out and chill but had no company.. the usual suspects were workin'.. and i was refrainin' from callin' the prominent one too.. so i decided to call an old friend and we met.. wan.. or steiner.. teletubby.. pengster.. bubblator.. are some of his aliases.. he was freakin' late but as usual it didn't matter to me.. after dinner we chilled outside ngee ann city.. thank god the heavy downpour stopped a few hours before.. we wanted to buy drinks at the 7/11 kiosk outside ngee ann city but to our dismay.. the queue was damn long as if they were givin' away free hello kitty collectibles.. and wan being a camel that he is was too thirsty.. he couldn't take it anymore and chose to buy lime juice at old chang kee.. and it was super sour.. haha..

wan gave me fresh impetus about my current situation.. he's a good friend but he doesn't show it.. starngely he reminded me of bucky in a good way of coz.. bucky?.. who's bucky?.. oh it's my new nick for yan.. haha.. anyway decided to wait for bucky to finish work so that we could go home together.. boy i really missed orchard nite life.. and i wanted honey to be there with me.. but then it ain't gonna happen.. but still i was glad wan accompanied me the whole evenin'..

currently can't stop listening to siti nurhaliza.. "bicara manis menghiris kalbu".. dedicated to honey..

we still messaged each other the whole of today.. and we're gonna meet soon.. my most favourite received message over the two days:

"dun tempt me"

heartbreak..

the message came..
and my heart sank..
my heart broken..
anger and disapppointment ensues..
relief?..

an anathema no more..

anathema..

dirty thoughts are plaguin' my mind..
ineffable.. improper.. taboo..
it is an anathema..
but self-contentment seems surreal..
and it's of the utmost importance at present..
as the opportunity looms ahead..
it boils down to boldness and courage..
no.. courage's not the right word..
oust with courage..
sorry.. ain't got a substitute for it..
cos it's beyond words..
there's still room for abstinence and self-restrain..
but i choose to discard them both..

and risk being an anathema for life..

paranoia..

thanks for the assurance..
glad we talked long..
i'm happy..
i'm relieved..
i'm paranoid..

a late birthday present.. a mountain.. and you..

at home.. on a hot lazy saturday afternoon..

me: adik.. i feel like goin' orchard.. wanna follow?

adik (immediately.. in a split second): yes!

me: well.. that was quick?!..

adik: oh.. is it?.. cos u still owe me my birthday present

me: what? (thinks for a short moment.. and unfortunately remembers).. oh ya.. ok ok we'll go buy it..

and off we went.. together with mum.. who decided to tag along too..

couldn't believe i actually hadn't buy my younger bro his birthday present since last dec.. (way to go eldest brother).. thought it was a good mini family outin'.. could get unchartered distractions off my mind for once.. especially.. the phase..

so the three of us went to orchard.. decided to watch a movie first.. 'race to witch mountain'.. which to me was a little lame.. 2 stars out of 5.. sorry rock.. err.. i mean dwayne.. dats wat you want to be called now rite?..



after the movie.. walked around the city to look for adik's shoes (he decided to get that when were in the bus earlier).. mum commented orchard road has transformed a lot since she was a teenage girl.. (tell me about it).. we went to isetan.. wisma.. taka.. but none of the shoes was to adik's likin'.. so i suggested to go to cineleisure.. adik and mum were fine with the idea..

so we were crossin' the road at the junction between taka and the hotel (i think it used to be meritus mandarin.. cos the whole buildin' was under construction.. couldn't tell..) towards cine.. when i noticed the phase walkin' towards my direction.. what were the odds man?!.. we locked eyes.. and we smiled.. talked for a while in the middle of the junction and parted towards our opposite directions.. phase was with the other half.. damn.. what a small world.. of all the places to bump into each other.. but ironically i was very happy to see phase.. very happy.. but it was unfortunate that our meetin' couldn't be any longer.. and it's all comin' back to me now.. again.. crap.. sometimes i wonder whether you still remember the things i've done for you and really appreciate them..

meanwhile.. got adik's shoes at cine.. and decided to go to dinner.. mum relished some nasi ayam penyet and decided to go to lucky plaza.. my treat.. again..



sidetrackin'.. i really feel i need some (mis)adventure and excitement in my life.. so many stuffs i want to do.. to the extent if it's sinful.. so be it..

scary shit huh..

better..

felt a bit better in the evenin'..

after nearly a 5-day hiatus..

just don't leave me hangin' again..

it's unbearable..

and why must i always start the ball rollin'..

most of the time?..

heaven in our hearts..

mistakes in life are inevitable..
it's like slippin' while singin' a beautiful song..
but if you are a great person..
despite the mistakes you made in life..
people will still think you are a great person..

check out the vid link.. and see what i mean..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESU72I_3NIQ

fatal affection..

it's gettin' fatal..
this forbidden affection..
it's eatin' me inside..
it's eatin' me alive..
it was about to end..
but it's all comin' back suddenly..
miserable..
woeful..
self-denial..
a hundred times better..
than freakin' you out..

rewang. inc..

another long weekend dawned upon me again.. we had to come back to work on sat mornin' to complete the last stock take under jp account before transferrin' the remainin' inventory to a new one.. ended at 3pm but we were stuck in the heavy downpour.. and had to stay indoors first till the rain subsided.. which was until about 5pm.. shucks.. and later tonight a couple of us had promised arfian to meet him at ubi ave cos we would be helpin' him out at his sister's weddin' the next day.. and that left me with a few hours to rest and probably sleep (cos obviously it is somethin' i'm lackin' of).. ironically when i reached home.. i couldn't sleep when i reached my crib.. so later that nite just met the guys at ubi around midnite.. but unfortunately some could only make it the next day.. no worries..

so that nite.. arfian.. fifi.. mohd.. and myself slept at about 3 in the mornin' after some fruitless and pointless conversations with heavy intensive smokin'.. and i was the first to wake up about 4 hours later.. i was uncomfortable as we were sleepin' at the void deck exposed to the public (oh my bed.. how i missed u that nite).. and it'd be embarrassin' if they saw me sleepin' with my mouth wide open.. or worse still.. snorin' (like arfian).. in broad daylight.. so it was 7 in the mornin' and the rest were still in their slumber.. i took a walk.. and took a seat at the nearest playground.. there was nothin' i could do but smoke.. smoke.. and smoke.. and it had to be 'gudang garam'.. heavy shit early in the mornin'.. i was beginnin' to worry about my health and lifestyle that very moment.. about an hour or so later.. fifi woke up and i joined him for hot tea and prata breakfast at a nearby coffeeshop.. sat at the smokin' table.. and smoke.. smoke.. smoke again..

and the real deal came.. by the time we finished breakfast.. the rest woke up already and we cleaned ourselves.. nazri and yan joined us as the day progressed.. and we were assigned to clear tables for the guests after they completed their meals.. i thought my attire was inappropriate at first.. i was wearin' a stone cold steve austin 'what?' t-shirt and berms.. what?.. what?.. what?.. dat's the stone cold truth.. but i got more comfortable by noon when i got the hang of the job.. actually it's not that difficult.. it's a no-brainer.. interesting fact.. met a couple of friends who were the guests too.. wasn't embarrassed at all.. strangely it was quite fun though servin' them.. even got to karaoke a couple of songs.. one 'puncak kasih' song.. and i was clad in a stone cold t-shirt.. god.. i must have looked awful.. haha..

naz wipes the glasses with his friends behind..

yan clears his first plate..

all in all.. it was enjoyable.. got to spend time with some good friends before we go our separate ways.. exhaustin' and tirin' but it's worth the time.. but one thing's for sure.. f&b ain't my forte..

picture perfect..

big boss always said that food always bring people together.. that i agree.. but another people-bondin' moment tool would be picture-takin'.. be it with family.. friends.. foes?.. we just love takin' pictures.. no matter how many times you've talked about your mum.. dad.. sibling(s).. friend(s).. colleague(s}.. that is of course sometimes behind their backs.. when it comes to group picture-takin'.. you're in.. it generates light-heartedness and innocent pleasantries even in the most sombre and undesirable moments.. we just want to be part of those memories.. despite the curious case of the jp team disintegratin'.. all the pictures we had and shared together will tirelessly put a smile on my face..

separation anxiety begins to settle in as the new week approaches.. as myself.. safian.. fifi and the one rayhan will soon depart from the already defunct jp team.. thanks for the memories guys..

went to al-azhar after work to have dinner.. a fresh normality for most of us after work these days.. like i said earlier.. pictures.. they tell a story.. they a speak a thousand words.. they are your memories..

.. eat..

.. eat..

.. eat some more..

goodness..

untitled

wakin' up @ 7++ in the mornin' everyday now..

has begun to take its toll on me..

my mind spent..

my body beaten..

i'm lethargic.. just lethargic..

i would relish..

to have my normal shifts back..

full.. mornin'.. afternoon..

which had been registered in my body system..

for the past 6 years..

but that won't be the case for me anymore..

somethin' funny happened at work today..

took a short nap after lunch..

with the rest of the guys..

i think it was a 15-minute nap or so..

'til it was time to start work again..

kakak gave the wake-up call..

kakak: "amin.. amin.. bangun.. bangun.."

me (dazed.. attempts to sit up & replied): "ye mak.. err.. kak.."

laughter filled the room..

embarrassed..

but then as usual i don't mind..

really gonna miss workin' with this gang..

later in the evenin'..

went back to jp..

to look at the store once we called home..

it was officially handed back to the landlord earlier today..

the entrance was totally covered with the hoardin' board..

which was secured with a number lock..

made a peep through the boards and saw..

nothing..

absolutely nothing..

barren..

empty..

dead..

tradition never dies..

took a few fags for the last time (i hope not)..

with the usual suspects..

at the famous bridge..

our final hurrah..

the worrier..

i'm a worrier by nature..
behind that composed..
reserved look..
i actually worry about a lot of things..
it used to be school.. exams..
thank god..
that's already over in my life..

but now..

some a must..
family..
honey..
money..
marriage..
future..

doomsday..

some too much..
friends..
job..
new workin' environment..
paperwork..

failure..

some unnecessary..
really really unnecessary..

and ironically..

the unnecessary bothers me..

the most at the moment..

and my hair..
but got that resolved today..
after nearly a decade..
thinkin' of wearin' caps back again..

word..

the long weekend after..

i shudder to think the weekdays loomin' ahead..
(cos of work.. work.. & more work)..
after spendin' an unforgettable long weekend..

bowlin' this past fri..
(fought in a relegation battle with ahbui and lost)..

karaoke yesterday..
(sang 'puncak kasih' like hell among other songs)..

and sentosa earlier today..
(heavy downpour in the afternoon huge spoiler)..

it'll be a very long time..
till i'll get such a wonderful treat again..
thankfully.. it came at such an opportune time..
as separation among us will be inevitable..
though i could see a demarcation within the team..
weeks prior..
with notable people missin'..
we were able to make do and still have fun..
with those who remained..








god.. i miss your company man.. great to see ya for a few minutes.. but it ain't enough..