unappreciated..

so far.. june is shitty..

with the exception of the inventory video shoot i did at forum..
june is still shitty.. f*cked up..
no video bloopers on my blog or facebook..
not in the mood..

firstly.. the doomed fisher price product session last tues..
the attendance was f*ckin' poor..
it was humiliatin'..
and i got questioned by office people and vendor..
no one takes me seriously as a trainer..
even my friends..
i understand how busy stores can be in june..
i've been there people!..
but just less than 2 hours of your time won't hurt right?..

then went to rompin pahang this past weekend..
less than a two-day affair..
with mum.. dad.. younger bro & sis..
mum dragged me along cos it's a tour..
a tour with her iman kindergarten bosses and colleagues..
who brought their families along..
it was excruciatin'..
it's more for a 'makcik-makcik' getaway..
trust me..

i couldn't wait to go back that sun nite..
cos the next day i took leave..
had made plans to go ubin with x
hikin'.. cyclin'.. trekkin'..
my kind of getaway..

i was excited to reach woodlands checkpoint..
when x called..
may i say at the right time cos i just passed immigration..
with 2 m'sian cigarette packs in my bag..
one for me.. and one for x.. for the ubin trip the next day..
x called and said he had a store meetin' early next mornin'..
no worries.. we could still go after that..

but x had to ask if he could bring his girl along..
if she followed us.. guess who'll be aloof durin' the trip?..
i understand he hadn't met her for quite a while..
but what am i supposed to say?.. no?..
x did say if i said "no.. she can't follow us"..
it would be ok for him..

but i didn't feel comfortable sayin' no..
that would make me a f*ckin' asshole..
what would his girl think of me?
more importantly.. what would x think of me?
knowin' how much x missed her..
i did the lesser evil..
told x to go out and meet her instead..
he did apologize..
but my heart was already wounded silently..
it was bleedin' with pain and anguish..
at least x was happy..

but to me.. x should not have asked that question at all..
he put me in a position to make that selfless decision..
it wouldn't have happened if x didn't ask..
but i guess x did not understand the predicament he put me in..
and i took leave for nothin'..

it was the worst leave ever..
i had to do somethin' though..
so i went trekkin' at sentosa.. alone..
like a f*ckin' idiot..
(no photos.. not in the mood..)
and there was not even an attempt by x to make amends in the day..

(and then slut had to message me..
at such an appropriate time..
when i needed company badly..
and to rid this disappointment and misery..
i had to do that stupid shit again earlier today..
which ironically i thought it would get better for me..
but the remedy was momentarily only..
disappointment and misery were still loomin' within me)

but x did send me a message to apologize again..
last nite and earlier today..
he did feel bad to have disappointed me..
but i was still unhappy..
x argued that if i were to tell him that he couldn't bring his girl along for the trip..
(which would make me the villain)
he would gladly go out with me as planned..

but i wanted x to make the decision himself..
after all the help and sacrifices i've made..
i just wanted x to make me happy and secured for a change..
i'm not talkin' about money.. it was and never will be an issue..
i'm talkin' about the brotherhood.. the bond we had..
but i guess i expected too much from him..

imagine if it's the other way round..
x took leave and decided to go to ubin with me..
and i asked him if i could bring my girl along..
someone whom he didn't know and not familiar with..
i wonder what would he say..

after all the bickerin' and trashin'..
i apologized to x too..
cos i couldn't bear makin' him feel bad either..
but i'm still mad though..
(on top with the episode with slut)..

like i always believed..
amen has to be diasppointed..
so others can be happy..

unappreciated..